I guess I thought everything would work out like it always does. Like every time before, love conquers all. I’ve tried my hardest to go thru my day thinking that soon everything will be okay again, better even. It really did feel like things were getting better. Now it feels like everything just fell apart, sand running thru my hands and I can’t stop it. Chasing after a star that I know I can’t reach but try anyway. I feel lost. You were always my constant, my northern star, always guiding me home. I can still see you, faintly. You shine so dimly almost like you don’t want to be found, the fire within you isn’t as bright. I want to reach out and ignite it again. Somehow. I wish that if I ran fast enough, if I could reach far enough I could do that and find my way home again. I’m at a crossroads each path more obscure than the next. It feels like these paths won’t lead me to you. I look back it’s a wall of memories, would have and could have beens, and it kills me. I want to scream and kick and punch that wall till it shatters and run as fast as I can back towards the time where we were invincible. Unfortunately time only moves forward. I can punch the wall till my knuckles bleed, kick till I can’t feel my feet anymore, the wall will never break, never lift. I know eventually I have to more forward. I don’t trust my head, my feet or my heart right now. They’re beat up and raw. For now, I’ll just sit here. Staring at the paths in front of me, letting it get darker. Hoping that there will be a dawn.
- hips: ngl